Monday, 30 November 2009

• Problem Solving

  When Madison came home from school the other day, it was obvious, that something was wrong. She was bouncing full of energy, not talking off the walls, smiling and laughing. Instead she seemed to be in a quiet mood. I wondered if maybe she was sick, or getting sick, or something. I had other things occupying my mind at the time, dinner, kids, Josh…every so often I saw her out of the corner of my eye; quietly doing her homework…or staring at the table. I couldn't be for sure.

  I finally gave up on doing what I was doing and asked her what was up, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but wondering if she was, perhaps getting sick…and so I asked her if she was feeling ok.

  She looked up, forced a smile and nodded. Before staring back at the page of problems she wasn’t even ½ done with. “You having troubles at school?” I pushed. She didn’t say anything, didn’t look my way, but a few tears landed beside her pencil. “I'm not like everyone else” she muttered.  
  

  Some things, I can find the answers to, and if I cant, I can google for them, or ask a friend. I can poke around and come up with a decent answer for why some words are spelled one way, and why other words are spelled another. I can try to explain why 2 x 3 = 6…and why 3+3 = the same thing. I may not know the answers, but I can usually get them. But sometimes, I don’t know where to even begin.

  If I run a google search, what would it be?

  Shes 12. This year, she's going to a new school, a school that she's been thrilled about attending before the year ended last year. It was all she talked about, all she could think about. Going to a new school. With new teachers, new school work, new potential friends. She was all over it.

  But this year, at 12 years old, in the 7th grade, she realized something…that shes not like everyone else.

  She spent the next 15 minutes, before Josh jumped off the bookshelf, and I had to go do something else, telling me about the problems shes been having. Problems that I don’t understand, or cant even start to think of. Problems with school, and teachers. With friends and students. Problems with just about everything. “I'm not LIKE them” was the reoccurring statement that she kept saying, over and over. “I don’t fit it…I'm just not like them.” I wanted to tell her that it was ok, that there would always be a place she wouldn't’t fit in at, that she didn’t NEED to fit in, that there was nothing wrong with being different…

  But her voice told me that wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

  “They all…” then she paused. As if she wasn’t sure if she should continue. She waited a few minutes and then blurted out a whole long list of the things they have, and she doesn’t. The latest, coolest gadget. Body piercing and tattoo’s, things that she agreed she didn’t want. She made a final pause before she blurted out the one thing that really made me wish I could give her everything she wanted. “They all have a mom…and don’t want them”

  It took just about everything I had to stay there and talk with her.

  I might be able to give her the latest coolest, biggest, thing that *Might* make her fit in. If she really wanted it, something might be able to happen. But shes never expressed interest in these things. In fact, shes only expressed interest in the exact opposite. Shes commented before that certain things they do are “Gross” and “Weird.”

  But her statement about them all having parents, and not wanting them.

  She meant more than just the average problems. She was talking deep, serious things.

  I thought back to school times. I quit school in the 6th grade, but looking back, I cant remember how many times I heard something along those lines. About not being able to wait until someone was old enough to leave, or get out. To get a license so they could have freedom, away from the dreaded parents.

  I can think about giving her something she might want…can plan to buy her something, if its something she really wants. I can find answers to just about everything. But there is one thing that I wont ever be able to fix, or buy. The one thing she wants more than anything, the one thing that people take advantage of. The one thing she wants, she needs…and I cant give it to her.

  I cant even find an answer for her.

  So instead, I sat there, watching her stare at the blank page of problems. Problems that could be solved in the matter of minutes, shoved into a backpack and forgotten. Wishing that her problems, could be solved just like that. Wishing I could give her what she wants, what she needs. Wondering once again, if there were any way to go back and time and change things, so they turned out differently.

  We cant go back, we can only go forward. But sometimes going forward just seems to be a bit harder than going back, and changing things so going forward, wont be that difficult.

  …and while its true, kids are resilient, and she doesn't dwell on these things every day, and was back to her self a few minutes later…these things don't bounce off me the way they should.  I want to keep her from having to go through things like this, to somehow be able to solve these problems, so she doesn't have to think about things like this, no matter how short lived they might be.

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