Being a mom is the most important job you can have. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay at home mom, work at home mom, or work away from the home mom. You are a mom first and that is your most important job. So why does everyone take extreme views about working at home versus working away from the home? I’ve done both and doing both, I always put my family first.
When my youngest was born, I was a work away from the home mom. I put my daughter in daycare and I worked long hours. My oldest was in a special school for special needs children. I wouldn’t see my kids that often. I felt like it was bring the kids home, bath and bed. No time to actually be with my kids.
I missed my daughter so much and my son seemed like he was losing out on the one on one time he needed with me to help him with skills the school wasn’t teaching. When we all came down with a stomach bug, I had to stay at home and take care of everyone. My husband had to go to work, and someone needed to stay home. There wasn’t a choice, as far as I was concerned. My kids needed me. My work, didn’t agree. When I got back to work, I was written up. I immediately handed in my resignation.
I had enough. I felt my family was being neglected and I was not going to pick my work over my kids for any reason. It was tough. My husband and I knew that living on one income would be difficult. We were determined to make it work.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a work away from the home mom’s negative opinion of a stay at home mom. I just don’t understand why she thought that I wasn’t important. I don’t understand why she seemed to feel that she was a better person because she had a job away from the home. What I was doing and am doing, is important.
I am a teacher, therapist, psychologist and mommy. I am a cook, housekeeper (admittedly, not a very good housekeeper because I am so busy with everything else), bookkeeper and referee. I do everything. It’s not easy making one income stretch in this economy. Especially, now that my husband’s work has cut everyone’s pay by $3 an hour. I deserve just as much respect as a work away from home mom.
On the other hand, I’ve seen some stay at home moms that disparage a working away from the home mom. That’s not right, either. She loves and cares for her family just as much as we do. Her reasons for working away from home are just as sound as ours for staying at home.
As far as I am concerned, we all need to accept each other’s choice. We do what is best for our families. No one has a right to put down another mom’s parenting and working decisions. As long as the children are being well cared for and are happy, that is all that matters. You can not judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes. You can make assumptions and observations, but you don’t know what their family is like unless you live with them.
Let’s all just get along.
Comments (3)
I can't tell you the marginalization I have faced by other women, because I stay home with my sons. It's usually those that consider themselves feminists who are the worst.It's interestng because men, whom you think might be the problem, have been the ones respectful of my choices. It's sad really,that women fought so hard for the right to make choices, but if its not the perceived "right choice," someone is bound to give you grief.
I love this. I'm a stay at home mum, and sometimes making the decision to not work and primarily be a parent brings on the guilt because of so many women who seem to resemble Wonder woman (must be on steroids). I'd like to work again soon, but it's important we feel free to choose what is the best option for ourselves and our children. There is also the need to have time for the important things in life reading blogs, one of the highlights!
Thank you for making me feel like my role is a worthy one.
Thanks for posting this! I hate the mommy wars, especially when other moms don't take into consideration your reasons for doing it.