Monday, 23 November 2009
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I Don't Mind If You Stare, Just Be Ready To Take Notes
I know some people get all upset when someone stares at their disabled child and others may even come to your defense when they observe someone doing so, but I never feel violated or threatened by onlookers. It’s perfectly natural that something out of the ordinary would cause someone to do a double take and if the fascination persists, a stare may ensue.Be warned though that if I see you looking our way I may feel free to start a conversation with you by pointing out that what my son is doing is helping him to cope with an uncomfortable situation because that is most often what would be observed by people when they see us out in public.. It’s not a favorite activity for someone who likes things to be quiet, odor free and predictable. Why, the minute we cross the threshold of our front door the anxiety and over stimulation may set in and by the time you’ve laid eyes on us he may be in full stim mode.
If I’m going to paste awareness ribbons all over my car I may as well get started by taking these opportunities to look beyond the stare and use it as an opening to the door of understanding. So when I become aware of you noticing my son’s "interesting" behavior I don‘t mind if you stare, just be ready to take notes.
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About the Author
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- From: P1AutismMom
- Name: Nancy
- About Me: I am busy raising my 2 boys, Brian 15 and Daniel 13 who has autism. My hope in life is to make at least 2 people smile every day and if I'm feeling really ambitious I'll try to make them laugh :) You can read more of my story by going to www.AutismMom.net and follow on twitter http://twitter.com/P1AutismMom
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Comments (12)
What a wonderful attitude to have. Most people do not mean any harm and are just curious. =]
@Eternalimplosion@xanga - Exactly, I am naturally curious myself so I completely understand.
I think that is a helpful way to educate. Some people are just curious but it ends up being gawking. I fall into that category often. People get mad at me for staring but I am just trying to understand from a distance.
@cattiger03@xanga - Natural curiosity should lend itself to opportunity for education and awareness. There is a huge difference between someone that might go into a stare mode vs someone who is clearly being rude. I think feeling defensive over a stare may just be an insecurity or maybe a feeling of being judged for something beyond your control. It happens but it's not worth getting upset over.
I avoid those that would try to make fun of or mimic my son. No point in trying to educate the uneducated. :)
That is true. People stare all the time. It is a natural human action. But you can't let that alone hinder you.
I would like someone to explain things to me, if they see me looking at their child. I will look at someone different just because I'm curious.
@DAMN_itsz_KRYSIE@xanga - @xjadersx@xanga - My favorite is when a young child is staring and I say "looks silly, doesn't it?" Then I say something simple like, "it helps to make him feel better when he feels yucky" The kids smile and it lightens the embarrassment their mom or dad might feel when they get caught looking. :)
Getting riled up means a lost opportunity to educate.
Do you try things like music therapy with your child? From the way that you describe him I get the idea that people don't just see him, they hear him notwithstanding the fact that the editorial we we we-sayers say children should be seen and not heard. Maybe he likes to make a certain amount of noise to deal with the stimulus or whatever and if somebody has enough dough to give him a Christmas present it should be a drum set or bass guitar. Even if he has poor social skills and ultimately the only rock band he can audition for is or would seem to be, Missing Foundation.
I mean really, maybe Mick Jagger is a normal alley cat kind of rocker but the music business is and always has been full of people who are eccentric...Joey Ramone...Kurt Cobain...Ozzy was a school leaver, dyslexic with attention deficit disorder...I think that music or painting or some kind of creative hobby would be an outlet for your boy and he could have fun!
Maybe autistic savants, when they were underdiagnosed or whatever, were court jesters during the Middle Ages?
@forwhomthebelsentolls@xanga - Our house is void of a sofa and most normal furnishings for all the music, art and excersise equipment we provide to him as an outlet for his creativity and high energy level. There are keyboards he has not touched in over 5 years but I would never dispose of them because you just never know when he will decide this is something he wants to dabble in.
I think it would be wonderful if all children were encouraged to explore their artistic talents.
:) I appreciate your input. Thank You!!
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Good idea.
You are one kick ass mom, just gonna letcha know.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - I Love That, Thank You!