What does a person have to do? Nothing works.
Just when you think you have found a solution his behavior goes to hell and you end up getting attacked again and physically restraining him again and answering questions about why you missed work again and why there are scratches on your hands and face again.
What next? You just want to scream. Why do we even try? It seems like an exercise in futility.
I don't even know what to say. Every other aspect of life seems to have no meaning because the whine and the scream are always in your ears. I am sitting here right now listening to groans and yelps and crap that he can't seem to control and I can't seem to ignore and, quite frankly, I am tired and worn out and lost. This is the bottom of the wave. If he holds true to form things will get better, but not for long, and we will be back to the beginning. I am tired of the beginning, I want to find the end, and it seems like the more we do and the harder we work the further away the end appears and little pieces of hope disappear along with it and desperation grows and grows and . . . .
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Comments (3)
I admire your efforts to take care of an autistic child. It will never be easy but love will always prevail in the end.
I can feel your frustration in this blog. Don't give up - just get your wind back, look at your son with loving eyes and start over again. It takes a lot of efforts, patience and energy to take care of an autistic child, and your love will give you the extra strength to carry on.
I know it is really tough when you are in the throws of another episode that can literally turn your life upside down. It sucks and there is no other way to describe it. I'm sure if your son could describe his emotions and physical ills to you he would say the same thing. I've had to check myself and realize that no matter how hard this is on us as parents it is easily just as hard if not worse for our sons.
I sincerely hope that your trials are brief and become few and less intense with each passing day. As far as your emotion towards the situation, I've recently written something regarding the feelings towards autism. I truly can empathise and I get it but we can't let it get the best of us. http://p1autismmom.autisable.com/716064874/hating-autism/