I am on the autistic spectrum. I am not autistic and nor do I have asperger's, but I am somewhere on the spectrum. Luckily for me, I have learnt the skills to pretend otherwise. I, in my natural state, have awful conversation skills and do not react to things that most people would.
For example if you were to say to me....
'My best friend was raped'
... a 'normal' person would say something along the lines of.....
'Oh My God! That is awful, How is she? I am so shocked that happened to her, I want to go and beat up the bastard who did it!'.... whereas I, in my natural state, would say something along the lines of....
'Oh.'Of course I have learnt over the years that that is not considered an appropriate response and that people think of me as a cold hearted bitch (which I am not) when I do so. So instead I react with the 'Oh My God....' line of things. I do struggle to make my voice sound sincere and not like I am reading from a script. Luckily people in these situations are too upset to notice that the tone of my voice is not quite correct.
It is not that I don't care, because I do, I just can't react in the way that I am meant to. Even if someone told me that they themselves had been raped I would still struggle to give the correct reaction. But I would also be the best person they could have in those moments. I am very clear-minded about it all. I can talk things through with people logically, I can know exactly what they are feeling and why they are feeling it and I can help them to realise the reasons why themselves. I know exactly what to say in all kinds of situations and I know how to word it in a way that they will respond to positively. I know exactly what people need and I can give it to them. This is precisely
because of my lack of reaction. Because I am not so overwhelmed with anger, hate, hurt and despair. Because I see it as something that has already happened. Because I see the person it has happened to in a birds-eye view. I see who they are, what has happened, how they feel and what they need. I see it all so logically that I can help them through it because I know the pattern they need to take.
Disclaimer: I am not implying that my responding in this way makes me better than those who do become overwhelmed with anger etc. That is a perfectly natural reaction, but I don't have that, so I may as well embrace what I do have. I also do not naturally have the ability to carry out an effective conversation in most situations. If it is something I know a lot about, such as childcare, you would struggle to shut me up. But when it comes to every day conversations, small talk, I can only do them because I have learnt what I am supposed to do. I still remember the day that I realised that in order to make a conversation last I could ask the person the same question they asked me. Up until that point they would ask me a question, I would answer it, and that would be the end of that. I now do this reasonably convincingly. I can't honestly say that I usually care too much about their answer, but I know that asking them the question in return means that they can start talking about themselves, the conversation will last quite some time and I will probably not have to contribute all that much.
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Comments (16)
I am a little concerned that this post just described me perfectly.
I'm nearly the same.
Same here. I do have Asperger Syndrome, tho, but I relate.
Thank you for posting this I feel the same way.
I feel like I'm extremely similar to this, too. Especially with reacting to things.
Hi i like your blog..
Keep blogging,
Yea this is completely me too..I never go to the doctor or anything so i have no clue if i could be in the same situation as you. I do the whole 1 line answer until they say something else because i generally never have anything to say but when i do have something to say i speak. I just dont feel the need to fill empty space with mindless rambling. If someone said something about someone being raped or even themselves being raped i would respond with the 'oh' reaction too because i dont know what to say. I'm not a very sympathetic person in general. I'm just there. I can only react to things that happen to me not to someone else because its not that i dont care its just..it doesnt interest me.
I don't think you're on any type of abnormal spectrum. The fact that you are able to sit and analyze yourself is evidence of that.
Perhaps other people over react because of their own experiences in life... everyone is different.
You may have been lucky enough in life not to have experienced something so traumatic as a rape or physical attack, or even to have been close to someone who has had such an experience.
Apathy may also be a natural self-defense mechanism all related to how you deal with your own emotions, partly your individual nature and also how you were raised, how adults behaved as models for you and how you were treated.
Some people take longer to process their thoughts, feelings and emotions than others.
Introverted people, for example, may be perfectly happy spending a quiet weekend at home as the day to day activities of life are all the stimulation they need whereas an extroverted person may get very bored and need to go out and sky dive or something.
The fact that you can question your own behavior is more of an indicator of your normality than anything else.
I think the only "flaws" expressed here are possibly a little insecurity and the habit of comparing the self to others, which we all do, but which really doesn't help us.
Peace.
I was just reading all the comments and it's really interesting how everybody is suddenly 'getting' asperger's or autism. I have been reading about it a lot too and am convinced the person I live with has a bad case of it and that i have a touch of it too.
Intellectually, on the other hand, I am aware that this is a psychological phenomenon well known to medical students, and it is all about your own self, and I hate to break it to you, but unless you have been diagnosed by a person with a MEDICAL DEGREE (and even then I would get a second opinion)
You do not have Aspbergers syndrome.
People with Autism, and Aspbergers syndrome do not diagnose themselves!
Come on everybody, this is just the latest fad, we are more normal than we think...
it is natural to be full of self doubt and little confidence, and I think it is harder for women because of our society.
Most of you are all okay and are just insecure, this is all natural. Go to school and take some general psychology classes.
People with these types of abnormalities do not stop to question it.
.
The fact that you are wondering what is wrong with you is the evidence that you are NORMAL!
You could be depressed or something, or have social anxiety but basically WE ARE NORMAL!.
I
definitely agree with Orlando. I don't think there is anything wrong
with anyone and I especially agree what he said about women and our
society. I will constantly watch the Tyra show and there are always
women crying on it. I think women are expected to be warm, outgoing,
and emotional but you and I are not. I mean, I have emotions and you do
do... but I rarely want to cry, unless something really bad and
uncontrollable happens. We just deal with our emotions differently and
since women like us ( and some of the other girls who say they are the
same way ) live in a society where we are not the norm, we think there
is something wrong with us when in fact we are being our normal selves.
Besides, I think that people with Asperger's Syndrome wont label themselves. Usually, they are unaware.
When
I was 12, someone thought I had it. I don't think I do... maybe I do
have it, maybe I don't. But what it comes down to.... I think most of
us are just being who we are.
And, for the record, you seem like a cool lady. There is nothing wrong with you.
This
reminds me how last week my professor came up to me and is like, "you
got a 90 on the exam." I'm like, "Oh" and just stared at him. That's my
reaction.. haha. I did not know how else to react and just saying "oh"
is in my comfort zone.
Oh.
@Orlando@xanga - yea this is def a fad..last year was adhd..wonder whats gonna be wrong with 95% of the population next year
seems alot how i react..
@Orlando@xanga - I actually agree with just about everything you said. I have to admit that I in part wrote this in order to get featured on autisable as that is one of the few that I have never been featured on. It's all true, in that that is the way I am, but I would agree with you that everyone is suddenly saying they are on the spectrum and most of us probably aren't, including myself. I honestly do not know if I really am or not, and either way I would never use it as an excuse not to live my life to the full so whether I am or not is really irrelevant. I just find the entire spectrum incredibly interesting. I work with children and I actually really enjoy it when I get the chance to work with a autistic child or one with asperger's. The only thing I wouldn't necessarily agree with is that people on the spectrum can never analyze themselves. People with autism or aspergers probably can't, people who are somewhere else in the spectrum may well be able to. I do know that it isn't anything to with experience, for example I have experienced people close to me dying and I know how awful that makes me feel but if someone else tells me someone close to them died I still have to pretend to react with more than an 'oh'. But I am not insecure or lacking in confidence, I know exactly who I am and I love myself the way I am. The only reason I sometimes pretend to act differently than my brain wants to is for other people's benefit. I wouldn't like to be the person who was just told 'oh' when they had just informed someone of something really bad.
So you claimed to be on the spectrum just to get featured on a site you've never been featured on? Hm.. maybe there is something wrong with you but it might not be autism :)
I was teasing in case that didn't come across right... I've been offending ppl again so I'm gonna stop right there with that one disclaimer :)
I do have Asperger's syndrome, diagnosed by several MDs and a few psychologists. I have had this dx since before it was the diagnosis dejour... but like with anything that gains momentum there is that ... fad quality... adhd, being "bisexual"... etc. I wonder what it will be next week.