Wednesday, 18 November 2009

• Disclipine: "I'm Just Sayin"

  To quote my beautiful Aspergian daughter, Chrissy,“I’m just sayin.”

  Scott and I found ourselves in a comment “shoot out” on Facebook over the past few days. While neither one of our blood pressures ever was raised above the current norm, Scott and I did have some interesting conversations relating to punishment, discipline and the world at large. The conversation between Scott and I has centered around our concern that too many excuses are made for poor behavior by ANY child, not just the disabled child. Now, I’m not too hardcore on punishments and discipline. If you know me personally then you know that I am at times a big softy. But, I do feel that it is a parent’s job to help their child weave their way through the world. A world that is always and forever full of prejudices, ignorance, and social biases. I was saddened by one parents comment that he, “think it rarely a good idea to punish a child with Asperger syndrome for disrupting a class. AS (Asperger’s) kids rarely do something out of rebelliousness or with the intent to be disruptive.If an AS kid is being disruptive there is almost always an issue that is simply driving his stress levels beyond his capacity for endurance.”  
  

  
  Umm, hmm, I think this parent has forgotten that part of the human experience is having your stress levels driven beyond your capacity for endurance. Parenting three teenagers I can say my stress levels have been driven far beyond my capacity for endurance, or a sense of humor. 
  

  Alright, I’m confused…do I treat your child like I would other, neurotypical children? I’m asking because I’m that kind of Mom that when I see potential disaster at the hands of some innocent young babe says, “hey buddy, please don’t do that” Parents of a disabled child desire and fight for equal rights for their child…right? Equal rights, equal treatment…right? Mainstreaming, integration, the chance for a “normal” life…right? Totally aware that there really is no such think as “normal”, but again, I’m just sayin’. I’m a question asker and I’m really, sincerely, wanting to know.

  I find when parents speak to each other, words like, punishment and discipline get lost in translation and after having looked both words up at Webster’s I can understand why. Both of these words can be as innocent or as harsh as you’d like for them to be, almost like they too have a spectrum of severity.

  Punishment and discipline, when being utilized as tools to aid in parenting a child, should have a spectrum of severity. The world, as it currently stands, is full of a spectrum of punishments and disciplines. Are you helping your child to navigate the world that is full of these punishments and disciplines? Are you teaching them to self advocate and how to ask for help? Are you making them aware that there are rules that all of us have to follow?

  If you are, those are ways of offering discipline to your child. You’re telling them about something that they might not like, like having to wear a seat belt while riding in the car. That might not be something your child likes to wear, but the law says children should wear a seat belt. So you buckle them into the car. You are disciplining them to wear a seat belt every time they ride in the car. I know, this is apples and oranges and so unfair of me because I used the word “discipline” another way besides the obvious.

  So…back to my activity that is keeping me from sleep…I google searched ADD/ADHD and found the following fascinating. The definition for ADD/ADHD is very, very similar to some I have read for Asperger’s Syndrome. Before you say it, I am smart enough to know that there is a HUGE difference between the struggles of someone with ASD and ADD/ADHD. I’m also aware of the comorbids that can accompany Asperger’s. I’m hoping though that this will cause some among us to take pause and consider the possible problems with NOT wanting to discipline a child with Asperger’s. And as Chrissy would say, “I’m just sayin’…”

  The following was found at http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_strategies.htm :

  “People with ADD / ADHD often misinterpret the verbal and nonverbal social cues that most people take for granted. They might interrupt conversations, often with irrelevant comments or questions. They let their attention wander, making it look as if they don’t consider what others are saying as important. Or they may talk on and on, not noticing that others are becoming bored or exasperated. As a result, people with ADD / ADHD are sometimes seen as rude, insensitive, and socially inept—qualities that take their toll on friendships and relationships, not to mention self-esteem. However, you can work on “retraining” your brain to better understand other people are communicating with their words, facial expressions, and body language.”

  Since it’s my job as a Nurse to educate, here are some of the suggested disciplines to try for a person with ADD/ADHD.

  • Be mindful.  Focus on the speaker and on what is being said as the most important information you need to hear right now. If necessary, check with the speaker to make sure you got the information right.
  • Pace your conversation.  Pause after expressing each point in a conversation, and wait for a response before continuing to talk. Engage the listener, then listen carefully to the other person’s response.
  • Practice, practice, practice.  Rehearse skills with a friend or support group, such as focusing on other people’s words and waiting for a response. Choose role models at work and in your personal life and watch how they communicate.
  • Show your strengths. Becoming a good listener doesn’t mean you have to hide your knowledge, cleverness, or sense of humor. The idea is to be the smart, fun person you are without monopolizing the conversation.”

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  • 11:50 PM
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