Tuesday, 17 November 2009
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Fear
Some short time after the first of this year, I got the notion that something…something big…was going to happen this year before it was all said and done, and while I know a lot HAS happened, a lot of big change has taken place, I havent gotten that…release, if you will, that the “Big something” has happened…and as the end of the year draws closer and closer, I find myself anticipating, and fearing…more and more.…and fear isn’t something that I like to give into. It sounds as if Im being defeated, taken over, controlled…by something as small and worthless, as fear…
I know this must sound bizarre, scratch that, I KNOW this sounds bizarre. But the only thing that has come close to touching on this fear, this fear that the “Big change” is about to happen, is when Joshs teacher called me over to ask if it was possible that his “Aggressive” behavior was due to abuse in the house. It was like the ton of bricks that were hanging above my head, waiting to fall, fell, and now sit right above my head. In plain view. Waiting and ready .
Its just whats been on my mind lately. Nothing profound, nothing deep…nothing new. I just hate the not knowing, the waiting, the anticipation…the fearing the worse, call me paranoid, I dont care.
“Everyone is afraid of something. That’s how you know when you love someone; when you are afraid of loosing them”
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What's Your Biggest Fear?
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About the Author
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- From: itsjustlifehere
- Name: David
- About Me: Writing about the struggles that come while being single, and trying to raise three kids, the youngest of who was recently diagnosed with autism, PTSD, and SPD. These post are about our life, living with autism - I also write more on my main blog, Tunnel Vision.
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Comments (2)
Fear, by Stop Making Friends (Featuring Pauley Perrette from NCIS)
Are you scared of the dark, are you afraid they'll break your heart?
Are you afraid you'll lose yourself, are you afraid of your own hell?
Are you scared to lose, are you afraid to choose?
Are you afraid you'll win, are you scared of your own sin?
Are you scared to forgive, are you afraid to live?
Are you afraid to die, do you think it's all a lie?
*To live the way ya think you're dyin'
To laugh when you feel like cryin'
To stand the way ya think you're gonna fall
It's just fear after all, it's only fear after all
Are you afraid you'll be alone, are you scared to pick up the phone?
Are you scared of the past, do you think that you might crash?
Do you think you're in too deep, are you afraid to sleep?
Are you scared there's no stability, are you afraid of your own fragility?*
To bend when you think your breakin'
To strain when you know you're shakin'
To pray when your back's against the wall
It's only fear after all...*
Are you scared of the end? Are you scared to begin?
Are you scared of the start? Do you think that'll break your heart?
Do you think that'll break your heart?*
The only fear is fear itself. 3x It's only fear.
The * means go to the chorus which starts with the *
********************************************************************************
I love this song. It has such a strangely positive message.
Talking with the teachers/staffers/etc. about the whole autism thing helps to alleviate much of the fears. The big thing about this fear you are experiencing is that whole unknown factor; the "I don't know what I'm afraid of, so it makes me more afraid as I wait for it."
Most of that will pass, eventually. There are moments that I get that same fear, although, nowadays,it is usually before a big event or something, rather than a nagging, back-of-your-thoughts thing.
It will get better.