Sunday, 08 November 2009
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Autism Crush part 2
Autism Crush continued:Yo, Mick here, the canine down under - the picnic table!
LMTO (laughing my tail off!) Gosh but I can crack myself up!
Any ways - let me continue...
So there they were at the table with her family. Red was happy as I’ve ever seen him, eating pizza, trying to remember his manners, conversing with her family (yes, you read that correctly, conversing!).
The boy was pure joy!
Sadly though -
It was his last meal with her.
There she was scrunched as close to her mum and as far away from Red as she could possibly get on the bench. Everything about her body language said she was not comfortable – but Red was oblivious.
The eye of autism can be pretty blind. Those darn social cues!
I know she tried to be gentle but Red was just too into her and she wasn’t even into him. She is just a kind person. College sophomore ladies just don’t hang with high school sophomore boys.
Crushed is just too simplistic a word to describe Red’s feelings; feelings mixed in with the autism factors too. Which pretty much means – amped up to mega.
Red was bewildered and hurt.
Sometimes a crush may look like an obsession and to be honest, Red was pretty much fixated on her. I’m sure she was uncomfortable with Red’s attentions. Poor buddy.
Mum did a pretty good job about talking him through these new emotions and getting him McDonald French fries (Red does not like chocolate or ice cream) but some things a mum just can’t share in.
I’m glad that I’d gone through a similar thing recently. I survived my own first crush. Well, to be honest, it was puppy love...
Red was able to make sense out of his feelings by talking about mine.
He compared the two, rationalized that I’d recovered and was happily “just friends” with several girls and decided he could react the same. That’s not to say that Red is totally over her – just that he’s got a good grip on his emotions and what to do about them.
I know – there are some folks who’ll say that Red is delusional – but check this out. He talks to me, he processes through issues as complex as a crushed crush using information he’s learned from friends, family, movies, books etc. and by relying on my experiences.
My experiences are whatever Red needs for them to be. He creates my experiences by projecting information he has gathered from any number of sources.
I often see movies before Red - to ensure they are not too scary.
Sometimes I go places before Red so that he can ask me about them.
I've helped him accept having to get shots. They can hurt as bad as a bee sting - but the pain sure goes away much faster!
I’ve gone through the various stages of puberty ahead of Red.
You see, Red uses my experiences to help him process things. It works for us. I’m not sure it’d work for other kids with autism or not.
I say, nothing ventured is wasted opportunity.
Deep down Red knows – I’m a canine.
He’s got a firm grasp on that as a reality, yet he’s able to power me up to a level that is capable of helping him through whatever he needs help with.
How brilliant is that?
I’m just grateful I can ALWAYS be there for my boy.
Red has just survived his first crush and although he’s crushed – he’s still my boy and I love him.
Peace out!
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About the Author
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- From: irenecarroll
- Name: Mick c/o Irene
- About Me: Yo! Mick Here! Hello and Welcome to this site about my boy, Red, and me. I'm the hottie with the canine smile. Yup. I'm the dog brother. Red has autism. He's not always been "red" but he's probably always had the potential for autism. I'll share some of my perspectives about living with autism, Mum (Irene) will join in with some of Red's history, Red will add some thoughts and ideas and we'll publish a lot of information about autism, some tried and true tactics that have helped Red (and us!), and resource links.
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Comments (7)
That's quite a crushing end to a potentially enchanting love story. I feel for Red and the disappointment he must be experiencing. Did he consider how the circumstances might be impacting the conversational efforts made by his Mum? In such a complicated situation, it seems that patience is necessary and perhaps an alternative context for conversation between Red and his Mum.
Sometimes people can be dismissive about things that are not so black and white and easy to understand. When it comes to matters of the heart, who knows how to handle it. It's craziness! And oh so lovely at the same time. Having experienced a similar situation I'd advise Red to ignore it if anyone tells him what he is feeling is not valid. I think Red must need a hug.
...where was part 1 at?
"I feel for Red and the disappointment he must be experiencing"
I feel for both the young gentleman (who couldn't read the social cues she gave him) and the young lady (who could read the social cues he accidentally gave her but couldn't read his mind to learn that he didn't mean them).
Thank you both writers and commenters for being so understanding! I have seen some other people do much worse (for example, some early comments at http://tinyurl.com/yf2dqfc before getting to this:
"...What you wrote here:
"========
"Actually, in many cases it's more like "THAT CREEP! I'm afraid of what he might do to me if I let him get too close, so I should be careful instead of being naïve and ending up yet another battered girlfriend"...because she thinks he's being that way on purpose instead of reading his mind and learning he's socially awkward."
=====
"Was a huge a-ha and eye-opener for me. It's the whole biased perception again. When we see women do this (we, biased-men) tend to go "b**** see how she treated that poor shy guy and hurt him?!"... ASSuming that this is what indeed happened. Forgetting that hey, she can't read minds..."
Now, back to the blog post here!
"...Deep down Red knows – I’m a canine.
"He’s got a firm grasp on that as a reality, yet he’s able to power me up to a level that is capable of helping him through whatever he needs help with.
"How brilliant is that?..."
Very brilliant!
Think about it: dogs inherited an instinctive and complicated social structure from wolves, and behave as if the humans in their homes are pack members. Red not only making social progress with other humans but continuing to earn a dog's care means he's ahead of a lot of other people in a way - isn't being social across the species divide pretty super-social?
@FallenReign@xanga - it was posted some time ago.
@edlives@xanga - Ahh. I was just looking for it; I haven't been on Xanga hardly at all in the past couple of months past posting sometimes.
@Leslie - "...isn't being social across the species divide pretty super-social?"
They say that geniuses always eventually go insane because no one understands them. So what about those who are born geniuses and have to live geniuses? God bless Red.
Martha
I talk to my cat. Peter was my "monster detector" when I was a teenager. I knew that if he was happily asleep on my bed, then I was safe and could sleep too. He is 16 years old. We've been friends for that long.