Thursday, 05 November 2009
-
Yesterday I Hated Autism
Yesterday I hated autism; I love love love my daughter, but autism… I wanted it out of our lives forever. It is like a bad rash on your ass… You know it is there, but others cannot see it and don’t know it is there. Yes, they can suspect something is wrong, but unless you let them in on your little secret they don’t know.
Sometimes it burns and itches like hell… all you can do is complain about this annoying circumstance you find yourself facing, but that doesn’t make it better. And every step you take has to be carefully thought out and orchestrated. The intensity of the burn causes you to be irritable, short, and emotionally violent.
Sometimes you move in slow precise ways to ease its agony and those paying close attention see something is bothering you but they just can’t put their finger on what it is. Then there are those you trust enough to tell all about this freaking rash on your ass; they show empathy, offer ointments, and a comforting shoulder, but none of them can make it go away. In fact, even if they have a rash of their own they still can’t possibly understand how YOU feel about YOUR rash.
BUT, Today I embrace autism; I love the lessons autism teaches me.
Autism...
teaches me patience
teaches me tolerance
teaches me about my weakness
teaches me that I am human
teaches me that I have strength beyond measurement
teaches me the true meaning of unconditional love
teaches me that the world is full of differences
teaches me to be resourceful
teaches me to slow down
teaches me to be creative
teaches me diversity
teaches me that God trusts me
teaches me that I am my child's biggest advocate
teaches me that my child is exceptional beyond labels
teaches me that we communicate beyond words
teaches me that we love beyond actions
teaches me...
(By no means, does this post have any derogatory intention meant towards my child or anyone else facing the autism label... it does have to do with the system, attitudes, IEP's, and the moments of helplessness we all feel on this journey. It was my expression about a day that really sucked in the world of autism.)
----------------------------------
What has Autism taught you?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to autisable's Autisable Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in autisable's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: alternamom
- About Me: I have side-stepped my professional career to put my energy where it needs to be... with my family. I am the mother of two fantastic, expressive, healthy daughters. Daily they inspire me to be a connected, mindful mother and for that, I am a better person. I am supported in this journey by the most incredible man. He has given me the freedom to be the mother our children deserve. As I spent the past few years orchestrating my daughter’s treatment plan for reversing autism, I collected beneficial data along the way. Interestingly, I have found that many of the changes in our lifestyle have not only benefited her, but the entire family as well. Visit my site: http://www.alterna-mom.blogspot.com/
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 1 73 Views: 328 34291 Comments: 2 197 View all posts by alternamom
Comments (5)
SLOW DOWN! PLEASE SLOW DOWN! The world won't fall apart if we take 5 more minutes to get dressed or our teeth brushed. Even if it takes half an hour.. What's 30 minutes in a life? Live those minutes, stay in the now with your child.
I realised that my child lives in the now most of the time. Even when he's telling me that he can't wait for Christmas, I know that he has no grasp on time. He just lives now. So, I will too. I was talking to a buddhist a while back and realised that living for the moment is all we have. My son is all I have and that's where he lives. If being the mother of an autistic child has taught me only one thing living for the moment is it. And it's good enough.
It's not easy. I often catch myself saying "Hurry up!" or even finishing sentences that take soooooo long to come out. I've been guilty of wishing he could be cured or someone else's.
But I'm learning and loving every minute of it. Yes, even the hard ones.
Lucie
I can completely relate. There are times in my daughters life where I have seriously hated autism with a passion, wished it never existed and would just go away. Those times when she and I have clashed all day, when I can't do right for doing wrong, when we simply cannot understand each other and I am reduced to a sobbing wreck covered in scratches and bruises from a little girl who simply can't understand why her world can't be how she wants and needs it to be.
I love my daughter with every bone in my body, every nerve ending, every thought in my head is love for her. But autism, it has so many challenges and problems that sometimes you run out of ideas, sometimes you can't stay one step ahead and everything falls apart. But those times pass, and we get back into our routines and end the day with a kiss and a hug before bed.
I don't think it's wrong to hate autism sometimes, our loved ones wouldn't be who they are without it, but it's a world that none of us prepare for when we plan a pregnancy, when we give birth to our child, and when we dream and plan for their futures. There are few situations where an unexpected change isn't difficult to adjust to and I don't think we ever stop learning. I try not to mix up my child with her autism, because she is my loveable daughter first and foremost, autism is simply something which challenges us both and sometimes those challenges aren't easy to deal with for either of us.
This is probably one of the best ways I have heard things summed up. I have been dancing around the topic myself...loving my nephew, hating the autism. Accepting the autism as part of him, and the lessons it has taught along the way...Very well said.
Autism has taught me that I spend a lot of time trying to understand if there's a hidden meaning behind things my friends tell me.
Thanks for your comments everyone, this was written after a very frustrating IEP meeting.