"Look at everyone around me. They're all cutting up, socializing, and having a good time. Here I am sitting in my corner doing my own thing. Oh my god, did he just look over at me? Yes, he did, and he must be observing me or something. He starts talking to some of his group again, and they all start laughing? Are they laughing at me? Are the making fun of me? Probably, after all, I am a loner. I know my social skills absolutely suck, but wow, that hurts. People don't seem to understand me at all."
"Someone just tried to share a joke with me, just teasing me in good fun. They don't realize that I don't take too kindly to certain jokes, and that I don't get jokes a lot of the time. Of course, a lot of the jokes I tell are over their heads too. So what starts off as an innocent joke results in me getting totally pissed off, as I wasn't aware that was the connotation of what they were saying. I really wish I could take a joke better, and that others would understand my jokes. I know they don't mean ill by their jokes. If only they realized why I am this way."
"I have my few friends, who do understand me. Most of them are interested in at least some of the same things I am. We'll get together and hang out. I have my friend or two that I love to discuss beer tasting with. I even run a beer blog with a lady so far away that even though she may be far away, I feel we're right across the table comparing notes. I have my mathematical and scientific friends, and am very close friends with all of my old professors in those fields. I have my pipe band and bell-ringing group and they all seem to get along with me as well. Some of them may think I pursue these interests too seriously, however, they think my passion for these things is admirable. They just wonder why I'm so intensely interested."
"I try to make new friends in groups outside of those I normally hang out with. I'm just so afraid to. What if I say something wrong? I don't know what to say, or how to introduce myself, or anything. I really wish I could socialize normally. I just can't. It seems as though the only way I can connect with people is online...that way they can't laugh right back in my face. If they don't want to get to know me, I'll know, they'll just not reply to me. OK, fine. In some ways blogging sites are a blessing to me. People just don't accept me because, well, I'm "weird" for lack of a better term."
"Maybe one day I'll get the courage to wear AS as a badge, rather than hide from it. I know it'll help me, but when I reveal it to certain people, they make fun of it. Sure, it has a funny name, and in high school one guy was so cruel as to refer to me having "Ass-booger Syndrome," but I've learned kids are just cruel like that. I guess if people don't know the real me, which includes every facet of my life, including some sort of neurological syndrome, well, they don't really appreciate me for who I am. I've lost friends over telling people in the past, but I guess they weren't true friends. No need to be ashamed of this, but I'm always so scared of being up-front. How will people treat me? Will I be the same LG they've always known? Will they ditch me? Who knows? All I know is my true friends, and those really interested in being my friend, will stick with me through thick and thin."
"I'm just me. Some people don't understand me. That's OK. I realize I can't please everyone. It's best to live for yourself, as I've found out. It takes a special person to be my friend, and I should go out and do nothing but give thanks for those friends I have. I might be an Aspie, but above all, I'm still a person who deserves to be loved and appreciated too. I wish other people would see that."
True
Comments (3)
I love this entry...it reminds me of the place my son is slowly coming to, which brings me joy. He still feels the pain of his differences at times, but embraces and truly appreciates his friends and family that do understand him. This was so beautifully written. Thank you for the gift of the smile you brought to my day.
thank you for posting this. As a teacher, it's so hard to figure out what an asperger's child is thinking or feeling. Your post helped me understand them just a little more.
@ellipsisdream@xanga - You're welcome. Always glad to put a smile on someone's face.
@curlilou@xanga - I'm glad I could be of help to you. I may be a grown man now, but I still feel these things, for sure.