I had the meeting yesterday and we had to schedule a second one to finish up. It was very difficult. We covered his old IEP first. That wasn't too bad. My son accomplished 57% of his goals.
Then we were ready to go over the new one. They asked me what my concerns were and I told them that I wanted to see more academics at his level. He is so bored with what they are teaching him. That is when the arguing started. Every time I started to say something, someone would pipe in and talk over me. I hate that! Really, I don't interrupt anyone in the meeting when they are talking. I deserve to be heard out. I was calm and reasonable. Let me finish my sentence!
After ten minutes of this, I lost it. I was so mad, I had to get up and walk out of the room. I paced up and down the hall, trying to calm down. The principal came out and we talked for a few minutes. She understood and together, we went back into the meeting. She explained to everyone what my concerns were and what I wanted. Then she ended by telling them that "Mom doesn't want to argue about it."
We covered two goals before I had to leave in order to be home before the kids. We have to have a second meeting to finish the new IEP. What really irritates me is that they have already written up a new IEP, with goals. They have done so without my input. So far, they are concentrating on goals like: typing out his name and address independently. Well, right now, he doesn't want to do that.
My son does things at his own choosing. Establishing goals that he does not want to work on at this time is stupid. He is showing great progress with his writing. Last night, we were writing his name on his homework sheet. I helped him get started with the first letter and he did the rest completely independently. I was so impressed and proud. This is the area that he is progressing in. This is the area he is interested in. Why not center the IEP around writing instead of typing?
Oh, and his academic level? 6th grade and above. He learns (when being taught) at a fast rate. He is being taught academics that are 3rd grade and below. No wonder he doesn't want to do anything for them. I'm not giving up. My son's needs will be met, even if it means taking him out of school and homeschooling him.
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Comments (19)
IEP meetings are so frustrating! I'm so sorry! I would never have talked over a parent when I was a teacher... they know their kid more than I do!
Is your son verbal? If he is not, teaching him to type is a valuable life skill; more and more vocal output devices are being made which are keyboard based. If he can type, he can be taught to use one of these devices and his communication options are greatly enhanced. At all skill levels of public education, students are being taught keyboarding skills; teaching typing provides your son greater access to the regular education curriculum as required by law and as it seems you want. What are some of the other academic goals they have proposed? What are some of the goals you wish to see included? Your son's teacher is required to come to an IEP meeting with goals he or she thinks are appropriate to advance your son's skills. Did they send a draft of their PROPOSED goals to you before the meeting? If so, did you look over them and come prepared to suggest amendments to those proposed goals? They are not his new IEP goals until you and other committee members accept the goals, they are only suggestions. I am glad that your son's principal came out to talk with you and to learn of your concerns; all members of an IEP committee need to be heard with equal respect. As to your son having met 57% of his goals, the goals that he has not mastered must be addressed in some manner -- either continued or revised to allow mastery of a skill that can be scaffolded to a higher skill. Continuing this IEP committee meeting was an appropriate decision. It has given you time to re-evaluate his mastery/lack of mastery of goals and assess those skills that are critical to further advancement. And seriously, whether your sona WANTS to work on certain skills should not he the issue. Autistic or not, a child needs to learn that there are certain expectations for school conduct that need to be met. Choices of freetime activities are good, choices dependent on life skills acquistion should notbe highly negotiable, in my opinion as a special education teacher who works with students with autism.
Sounds frustrating. Maybe you need to make a list of the people at the meeting who were inconsiderate, overly argumentative, inattentive to you, etc. and present the principal with a list of your recommendations for an IEP dealing with your goals for the people and the skills that they need for their personal development.
Reading the comment from elspeth47 the only worthwhile suggestion that comes to mind is next time request that the teachers submit their draughts of goals to you before the meeting. Note: if you get a draught using excess gobbledygook, you might need to enlist the abilities of a friend who can translate gobbledygook into real English and help you understand the practical implications of what they are really saying.
As an aspie myself who has had numerous aspie friends, I'd agree with your concerns -- many aspies are highly self-motivated and their teachers are usually ineffective if they (1) don't recognise where the students are motivated and focus the work there or (2) work to hook their interest and get them to see why they should be interested in the matter the teacher wants them to focus on. These "hooks" need to be carefully designed since immature aspies are usually overstimulated and distracted by many techniques, on the other hand mature ones have usually learned to screen out many of the attention-grabbing techniques. Thus, for example, an aspie might do better if their teacher lets them select (with any appropriate guidance) a subject for a report or project -- this insures that they will have some interest, even if they hate the actual act of writing or whatever.
I would like to see more self-paced progress. In grade-school we had sheets we'd progress through at out own pace, and there was flexibility so different students would use different ones. If we mastered the critical skills we'd move on to the next level of sheets, if not, we'd see a different sheet that hit it from a different angle. It was great material, I remember really liking it -- except for one fact, it was really out of date. Nowadays with computers the system could be set up much better.
I went to a large public school district and I was amazed at how little thought had actually ever been given to the actual administration of the school, specifically to the idea of matching students to appropriate teachers. I'd love to see a well thought out school where they'd match students interests and learning styles to teacher's teaching styles. My high school had bunches of sections of the same class, but students were randomly assigned. Why couldn't they have realised that some teachers had specific styles, perspectives, or stressed certain things and matched the students who shared the same interests and styles? Of course it wouldn't have been completely perfect and wouldn't have been possible for every student for every course. (I realise that this would require some complex testing, parent & teacher input, as well as student input since some students have no idea what they're interested in and what their talents and learning styles are.) But actually most schools seem to make no effort whatsoever to match students and teachers. This snuffs out the natural curiosity that students have. It also leaves teachers frustrated that their students just don't get it. We end up demotivating everyone. Sadly schools plug students into just a few simple boxes: advanced, average, remedial. They do an especially poor job with students who don't fit neatly into their boxes.
Overall, I found the entire educational system highly frustrating. My conceptual abilities vastly exceeded my verbal abilities so that usually when they talked at a conceptual level that wasn't boringly beneath me the verbal format was beyond my processing. When I was motivated enough I'd read enough that I'd grasp the meaning through the context -- but this can be extremely tedious and tiresome. Later on in school I learned to check footnotes in text carefully -- when I found something which was especially interesting I sometimes went on and read the referenced material which actually dealt with what I was actually interested in, even if it was immaterial to the teacher and course itself. In college I picked a programme with a high degree of flexibility in selecting course offerings -- I also took an extra year or so and just about always took the maximum number of classes -- this way I always had at least a few interesting classes. (Something which you might want to put in the back of your mind for down the road.)
Perhaps you noticed that I think that they need complex testing and careful tracking -- and what is the point of this? -- ultimately to measure the students strengths and weaknesses. The students would be measured for the actual content that they have mastered, their skills and techniques for learning, and for their aptitude. Personally, I'm not afraid of schools focussing careful study on strengths & weaknesses -- that is provided that they actually plan to then build on those strengths and either strengthen, supplement, or find strategies for dealing with the weaknesses. Also notice, I don't think that this should just be done for a few student -- I want the educational system to try to do a better job with 100% of the students. Oh no! This whacko wants IEPs for 100% of the students?!?! Yeah, I do. I think the educational system needs to become more flexible and more focused on meeting the needs of all the students, not just a few gifted, a few that are exactly average, and a few special ed. Obviously the whole system needs an overhaul in my view.
Sorry to go on so long, I love lecturing on my interests. (Does it show that I'm an aspie geek?)
Interesting.
The goals are only part of the process. What could/should also be discussed, recorded, and agreed upon is the details of the interventions that will lead your child's behaviors that will lead to the academic or behavior goals.
There should be objective data collected on the fidelity of the implementation on the part of the teacher/aides as well as the effectiveness of the intervention (the student's actions). The reason the goals are not being met could be that the interventions are not being correctly implemented; or that interventions, even though correctly implemented, are not effective.
Combining the data on the fidelity of implementation and the effectiveness of the intervention will provide very useful insights to everyone. This data can easily be collected with tool from the eCOVE Observation Software. The Special Education Edition has multiple tools that may fit perfectly; if not, you can create your own. It's worth checking out the website, www.ecove.net
Peace, John
That sounds really frustrating! I'm sorry that that's going on. If you do not feel that your son's needs are being met, and if you do not get any help/cooperation to ensure that they are, I wouldn't blame you one bit for taking him out of that school. Either putting him in a different one (if available) or home schooling him may be better, just to make sure that his needs are met.
In a situation like this, there needs to be communication and understanding. And if they won't even let you speak, and are happy to make out goals for him without your input, then that's the point where I would say, "Okay, well, we're done here, I'm going to be homeschooling him since you people can't be bothered to help him properly." and let them mull that over.
Difficult situation. A bored child is always a frustrated child. But homeschooling will be very much to the detriment of his social education, no way round that. I hope you can get the academic support you know is right.
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You could pull him out of that particular system, possibly. Does he have an EA? I don't know, I suppose there's a lot of options here, while at the same time, none that are satisfying.
*sigh*Life isn't fair.IEPs; hearing from both staff and parents about how horrible the IEP is! Majoring in Deaf Ed, I will soon be dealing with IEPs and I'm dreading every moment of it! The sound of those three letters together in that order just make me want to hurl!
I encourage you to homeschool him. My Aspie daughter wanted to homeschool after 7th grade, and I didn't know how but was game to find out. I am so glad I did. It was a wonderful five years. When you homeschool, you can work on the weaknesses and encourage the giftedness.
this made me tear up a little
reminded me of my mom.
She fought for me the same way you fight for your son.
I have vision problems.
She fought with the school district for years to get me the services I needed.
I mean she tirelessly argued.
Just like what you are doing.
I didnt understand it then, but now I know I can never repay what she gave to me.
& someday, even if he doesnt express it your son will feel the same way.
My son has asperger's and the struggle you are going through sounds so much like what we went through in his old school system. The gap between the sensory/fine motor skills and his intellectual abilities was so wide, that it truly was a challenge to get his needs met. The thing with an IEP is that you, as a parent have to agree to it. If you do not agree with the goals, you need to stand your ground (as you seem to be doing) and not settle for less than than what his needs are. If necessary, take it all the way upwards to the superintendent. It is the student's right to have the needs met.
As I see it, because of the social challenges aspies face, pulling him out of school and opting to homeschool would not be beneficial, as it will not give him the social exposure and experience he needs to develop those skills.
Ultimately, for our family (his Father and I have maintained great friends and co-parents even though we are divorced), it ended up that we moved him to another school system that was able to provide for his needs, and he now has a great team of people working with him. I gave his Father primary custody of the kids in order to do this, but he is thriving and I cannot possibly regret it for that fact alone.
As for typing, I firmly believe that my son (who is working on both) has benefitted enormously. Typing has allowed him to have his hands keep up with his mind and decreased his frustration level in trying to communicate with homework, etc. However, with that said, his writing and fine motor skills are also being worked on, as he does need to be able to do both. It does buy us time in terms of developing the writing skills to where they need to be.
One thing you may also consider doing is consulting with learning professionals and investigating the laws in your state concerning special needs children, IEP's, etc. to ensure your school system is in compliance. Many are not acting in compliance with these laws and getting away with it.
The more educated we are, and the more stand up to them (kindly but firmly), the more you can give your child, and believe me, under the right circumstances they can thrive, as mine is...
I hope even some kernal in here helps....good luck!
What kind of environment is he in? Gen ed class, collaborative team teaching, spec ed (12:1:1, 8:1:1?)? I would try a change in environment before home schooling. And of course not every spec ed class is the same. Sometimes a school happens to get a bunch of autistic children in one class and can tailor to them. There might be one in your district that you can transfer to. And there's also special schools/classes for children with autism and aspergers, most of them require a certain (high)level of functioning. If you are that unsatisfied with the school, ask the school psychologist what other programs your son could possibly transfer in to. You may have to wait a year or more though. It's tough to get a spot.
Like several others said, home schooling won't help his social education.
I would homeschool. It's horrible. Don't listen to the girl above me because they don't care, and they are special themselves.
"My son does things at his own choosing. Establishing goals that he does not want to work on at this time is stupid."
I think that is so true of so many kids, both autistic and not.
I don't think homeschooling has to be an all good or all bad thing. Yeah, he won't get as much social exposure, but he can still get a lot as long as you are deliberate about making sure it happens. And with some kids, a little goes a long way. Spending an hour or two with a few friends might do a lot more for social growth than spending 8 hours with 30 strangers at a time, with no chance to take a break.
I think that one of the most important things that public schools can do is to have classroom observation. The more opportunities that people have to improve themselves the better.