I read those blogs by those mothers of autistic children. Those mothers who plan specialized GFCF diets and plan activities and read all the books and make sure their children never have to face the cruelties of normal children or of ignorant adults. Those mothers who go the extra ten miles to make sure their autistic children have happy childhoods.
Those mothers are not my mother. We were walking in the woods last summer, and she said she was sorry I had an unhappy childhood, and she said she was sorry there was nothing she could do about it.
Maybe she's incorrect. Maybe she could have worn herself out trying to tie me to my bed. Maybe she could have kept me stupid and peaceful. Maybe she could have cared more, rather than letting me go out into the world as that scrawny, unathletic, awkward, long-haired little boy, with Asperger's syndrome, wearing a Marilyn Manson t-shirt. Yes, I certainly was a target. What an awful mother mine must have been. She definitely could have been at least a little more like those mothers.
Maybe I could have existed happily. Instead, I lived miserably.
Thank you. My childhood wouldn't have been mine without all the pain.
(That last sentence was a joke. haha. If you get it, you win extra points.)
---------------------
What are the best/worst moments with your parents?
Recommend
Comments (18)
I think I get this, but I'm not sure.
I say something similar all the time, that I wouldn't be me without everything I've been through, regardless of how hard it was. My motto is "Life is hard, get over it." And that's what I do. I get over it. Push past it. Do it anyway. Everything I do outside of a handful of things is a challenge, so unless I want to spend my life doing only a handful of things... I take the hard way. I rise to the challenge. I fall. I get hurt. I get back up and do it again.
Most parents do what they sincerely believe is right and best for their kids. They're not always right about what is right and best for their kids, especially autistic kids. Some think permissiveness is the way to deal with it, others believe a firm hand and stict discipline is the right thing. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, because every kid is different. Some of us (especially Aspies perhaps) need plenty of structure. Others find structure unbearable.
I think that's why there are so many support groups for parents. There ought to be. Because no matter how wonderfully and happily one grows up, parenthood is likely frightening and mysterious for every new parent.
And grandparents, I'm sorry to say, are absent - out on the golf course spending their heirs' inheritance and lobbying the government for ever-increasing more entitlements to burden even their great-great grandchildren with (those that survive the abortion holocaust that is - their smaller numbers mean they will bear an even larger burden). But that's a whole 'nother rant.
Ha. I never had good moments with my parents. EVER. Of course, it didn't help that my parents had the whole Rush Limbaugh attitude about Aspergers/Autism. When I got the diagnosis of AS they dismissed it as hogwash. Not to mention my parents forced religion on me from an early age and forced me to do shit I didn't want. They didn't do anything really to try to improve the quality of life. They forced medicine down my throat for shit I didn't even have. My childhood was hell.
Now maybe you can see why I hate my parents' guts now.
Hey guys, I am a mother of a very talented young man with Aspergers Syndrome. I beat myself up most everyday that I don't do enough for him. Can you please give me some advice about what you needed/wanted so that I don't have to have the regrets that I'm sure your mothers have?
Please, please respond. I want my son to have a better childhood than I had and I want him to be the happy adult that I know he can be.
Thanks so much for your honesty,
Zack's Mom
i liked this :]
Optimistic about the shoes. No one can ignore the Christian Louboutin shoes in the world of fashion. World-famous red soles of
Christian Louboutin heels, and are shaped features. In Europe and the United States, a pursuit of a large number of Christian
Louboutin fever star. When the outer end of a red number, it is safe to say that they come and Christian Louboutin shoes. Red at
the end is a symbol, as it seems.http:
http://www.sellugg.co.uk/
http://www.buylouboutin.com/
http://www.selllouboutin.com/
Optimistic about the shoes. No one can ignore the Christian Louboutin shoes in the world of fashion. World-famous red soles of
Christian Louboutin heels, and are shaped features. In Europe and the United States, a pursuit of a large number of Christian
Louboutin fever star. When the outer end of a red number, it is safe to say that they come and Christian Louboutin shoes. Red at
the end is a symbol, as it seems.
http://www.sellugg.co.uk/
http://www.buylouboutin.com/
http://www.selllouboutin.com/
@reillymom2boys - Basically you need to be an advocate for him. Educate others about this, and stand up for him when he needs it. I'm not saying give him free reign to use it as an excuse to misbehave, and I'm sure you know that.
If he has those unique or intense interests, let him pursue those interests. He'll most likely develop a career out of one of those interests. This is normal. We all have things we're interested in, however Aspergers people have unusual interests and are generally experts in the fields of their unusual interests. Encourage him and support his endeavors in these areas.
Lastly, just love him like you always have. Thought the ability to empathize is compromised in AS patients, they know when they're cared about. Sometimes you may have to go above and beyond what you would do in a normal situation if he's hurt and needing support or something, but above all he's a person and needs to be loved just as anyone else.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
Nice story.
I feel ya =/ Stay strong, one day you'll realize it's not your fault you and your mom don't have a good relationship. parents should always try to be close to their children no matter what.
my whole life with my mother was basically horrible.
shes just horrible.
with my dad.. part was horrible and part was good.
so this is why i should really move out.
AND i got your last sentence, i get extra points (:
== CLICK ME ==
== CLICK ME ==
== CLICK ME ==
== CLICK ME ==
== CLICK ME ==
@Bitswt02@xanga - I didn't say all parents, I said MOST. Naturally there are commonly exceptions. I too come from an abusive home and have relied on others outside my immediate family for the nurturing and care a child needs. I am quite familiar with abuse: Physical, psychological, and sexual. It could have completely messed me up (as it did my older siblings), but I found refuge in my "other family" - my true and forever family - who look out for me and have provided what my parents could not.
Honestly now there is a lot more information available to parents of autistic children than there was a decade ago. Maybe she really didn't have the resources to do much differently. Not saying your estimation is wrong, just something to consider.
@kelseyXundead@xanga - I have a good relationship with my mother.
@Pepin909@xanga - That's true, but I know my mother pretty well, and I think it's safe to say that had she then been armed with the information and misinformation now available on autistic spectrum disorders, she still would have raised me as she did. Besides, I'm sure there were plenty of ways she could have been overbearing and overprotective anyhow.Most individuals take way too long to change and learn new ways of thinking about differences. Societies may take decades and even centuries to change such things. To really change.
Not to understate the value of good parenting no matter what life brings our way (!), but bringing up or being an autistic person in this world can never be just about healing/teaching/nurturing/preparing one side of a false dichotomy (neurotypicals vs. everyone else). It can never be just about changing the autistic/A.S. child. While the story of nurturing and abuse (including neglect to do various things) is complex enough, it's also true that autism awareness inside the home and outside the home are entangled, interdependent.
Autism awareness is still a new movement, the official-bogus refrigerator mom theory still stings the memory and pangs the hearts of parents in their 40s, and similar theories, such as Michael Savage's theory that most "autistic" kids (99%!) are just spoiled, still point the finger at bad parenting (and associated funds seeking) as the cause and sole explanation of autism and A.S. The refrigerator mom theory held back researchers, parents, and others from discovery and useful information, teaching techniques, and parenting tips but people still accept theories like Michael Savage's as the gospel truth because what we know is more fad than fact. So many fads, so little time. Heh.
It's hard enough for most people to change, to paradigm shift, because it takes tirelessly looking at a myriad of topics from a number of angles, constantly asking questions. Problem is, most people are indoctrinated (socially and/or religiously) not to ask so many questions or question reality (paradigm shift) and they are not able to articulate that they're indoctrinated in what ways and what to do about it. So it's hard for them even to begin to change and meet the challenges that autism presents.
Change involves ability to cultivate a tenacious mindfulness, a more developed sense of awareness. It also requires developing the art of asking questions despite discouragement and discomfort from others. Humans, however, tend to cling to their sense of reality, their comfort zones if you will, even if they're outdated and not as unhealthy. It's not just autistics who have trouble with transitions or change!
This is why even when people have to paradigm shift to literally save their own lives, such as beating addiction, or save their children from abuse/selfishness/autism (not that autism can be cured in autistics), most people don't have a clue how to start or how to proceed and if they do get help many people are unable to paradigm shift fast enough even with effort.
It's a fact that you'll find far more information on "learned helplessness" than on learned empowerment (learning to change, learning to paradigm shift). Now why is that?
Oh, it's not just individuals who have trouble changing, nurturing, advocating. Societies often take even longer to paradigm shift. Take the story of racial equality in the United States, for example. Slavery was abolished in 1865, "the" civil rights movement didn't occur until I was a child in the 1960s, black men still may suffer unemployment at rates several times higher than other demographic groups, we only just finally elected a "mixed race" president, and despite being asked for our race when filling out this and that form, even for schools, the very theory of different human races is no longer held as fact. It's a safe bet that come the 200th anniversary of the abolishment of slavery in the U.S., race will still be a divisive theory and will still be treated as fact.
Likewise, autism was discovered decades ago but it's only now that they're catching on that it affects the entire body (is systemic) and that there may be different types of autisms that may latter be differentiated into overhauled categories/differences/conditions.
You can't make others change and nurture and advocate when you're ready, when you're in need. So do what you can to learn and advocate for yourself. You shouldn't have to, if you're still under 18, but...do what you have to do within the means allowed to you. That's your job.
Otherwise you're just another generation blaming the last.
My brother has Aspergers
My mom did everything she could to give him the best possible childhood(he's 18 now, almost 19). But somehow, he was still ridiculed and went through tons of pain.
I'm 16, so its not like I have tons of wisdom or anything.
But I think your mom was just doing what she could, she didn't know what to do at the time.
Asperger's Syndrome is only now becoming more well known. My brother wasn't even diagnosed til he was at least 11 ish. And even with a great mom who did everything she could, his childhood sucked.