A lady wrote in the e-mail Asperger support group concerned because her daughter has the Asperger diagnosis and was told her child will never be happy because she will never feel the emotion of love. She was very concerned about her daughter's future. I responded to her with...
"My Asperger 16 years old sounds much like your daughter. She has the AS diagnosis and all the symptoms yet she can be overly sensitive and emotional. Oh my, her sandwiches have to be cut the exactly right way or she can't eat them, her memory is something else. She's very quick at math and numbers and remembers dates and figures. She has all kinds of social issues, yet she's very huggy, she irritates other kids, repeats herself over and over, gets stuck on a subject, has major meltdowns, overly sensitive to lights noise, confusion, certain textures. She get overly joyful and excited over silly little things and shows little or no emotion over things that others might get upset or excited about. It's so obvious that she's just wired different than most of her peers.
I see sadness in her future for lack of friends and rejection from her peers, but I believe she loves, maybe a little differently than the NT teenager, maybe it's just an infatuation. She's noticed boys, but since she doesn't read social cues, she thinks if a boy smiles at her he's in love with her. She's having a hard time sorting out the boy girl relationship thing. Being in High School she sees couples together and hears the talk and tries to be a part of it but it's not working for her. She does know that she's loved and I think in her own Asperger way she loves others. Each Aspie is different. Probably some are much more unemotional than my AS girls.
Our kids are either overly sensitive (Hypersensitive), or don't seem to feel anything physical or emotional. (Hyposensitive.) I would not dwell on your daughter not having a happy life. I believe my 16 year old is very happy and that happy spirit will follow her through life. "As he/she thinketh in his heart, so is he/she." Proverbs 23:7 I encouraged her to be joyful and positive with her daughter. Many Asperger children love life and love to learn new things in the environment around them. In testing often their environmental knowledge is above average. Look for the positive and embrace life with your Asperger child/teen. Life can be an exciting journey or it can be drudgery."
So, is your life an exciting journey?
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Comments (8)
I think life is a little of both, drudgery and exciting. I like the exciting parts the best.
I wish it was an exciting journey. It's mostly drudgery.
I was that 16 year old... I'm now 31 and have been married for eleven years and have three awesome kids. I swore off boys from the time I was 16 and led into a back stairwell by a boy who didn't know I had no clue what he wanted (thankfully we were interrupted before anything happened.), until I met John when I was 18, almost 19, but we didn't date for quite a while... another guy came into the picture and again, not really having a clue took me off in a direction I didn't want to go... when I put my foot down and said flat out "NO." He dumped me.
Here's the thing... I had to make the decision to be happy with who I am. I knew all my life I was different and sometimes hated myself for it, but eventually I came to realize that for all my differences with people, I'm not a bad person. I know my own heart. I know where I'm coming from and what my intentions are. If people don't want to believe me when I tell them the truth, then the fault lies with them. I would say, encourage your Aspie girls to just be themselves and love themselves for who they are, what they CAN do, and all the possibilities that are ahead of them. Don't over worry, be their shoulder to cry on when they need it... or be the one to help them escape when they're overloaded. That is the best thing a parent can do. Believe in your kids. We can do ANYTHING... we just have to decide to do it. We need to be encouraged to decide. We need to be encouraged to take control of the things we CAN control. My friend Alex spoke to the youth group at our church (about 17 years ago) about this amazing thing called the IALAC. It is an accronym for "I Am Loveable And Capable." I think that is the absolute best message any young person, Aspie or not, can ever hear.
My life has been an adventure. Like all really good adventures, it has its share of REALLY hard struggles and amazing victories, and heartbreaking defeats as well. I would not trade a single one of them because they have made me who I am.
Life is an exciting journey for some people. On the highway of life, I'm stuck in the ditch.
My life is a never ending adventure.... @LadyLibellule@xanga - but the ditch can be a really cool place too all the debris and lost items from travelers along the way end up there and you never know what you might find...
Hi, I'm aspie and I have learned to love. =)
@LadyLibellule@xanga - That's how I feel about coming from a genetic pit.
People don't get it.
i love my life. it's the most exciting thing ever. every day is an adventure. but i think the real reason i'm happy is because i want to be. i dont have a particularly different day than the others, the only difference is in the way i look at my day. i expect something unexpected and exciting to happen to me everyday, and so it does. i'm thankful for every little thing that happens to me, whether good or bad. so i think my life is very very very exciting.
Very useful information indeed!! Thank you for taking time to share it with the readers, I am more than happy to have come across it. Keep up the good work.