I live in a very loud house. Everyone talks loudly. If you want something, you yell from the other room or upstairs or outside, and hopefully the recipient hears you and yells in return. I am very used to noise, tuning out unwanted sounds without a problem. I can write while watching television or listening to music. I can read in the midst of an all out teenage fight. I can sleep through anything and I mean anything.
However, these skills to tune out also mean tuning out people to. My Aspie brother talks non-stop, usually about things I care nothing about. Video games, video clips on youtube, and bands I have never heard of. He doesn't set up conversations at all. He walks into the room and says something like, "This girl was like, 'OH my God, I'm such a dork.' Haha isn't that funny?" And then he waits for my response, which is usually, huh? Thank God I live with him, because at least I kind of know what he is talking about sometimes. These constant conversations have pretty much made me ignore my brother when he speaks though. It's like a switch in my brain. Oh James is talking, click.
I love my brother, sometimes I do want to listen to him because he can actually talk about interesting things sometimes. But those conversations usually take some creative directing. A typical conversation is like this:
J: So this girl was like, 'Oh my God, I'm such a dork.' haha isn't that funny.
V: Wait a second. What girl?
J: This girl on the thing.
V: What thing?
J: The ummm, ugghh....the computer.
V: Was this on youtube?
J: No.
V: What was it on?
J: It was a movie.
V: Oh, you were watching a movie on the computer. What was it called?
J: I don't remember, but it was really funny.
V: Well, tell me the plot.
J: [insert a short plot]
V: Okay. I don't know that one, but tell me what happens to make that girl say that.
J: [insert scenario]
V: Oh my goodness, that is funny.
Conversations are a lot of work with my brother, so I kind of choose what conversations sound interesting. If I listened and conversed with him like this all the time, I would never get anything done. We have tried to teach him how to start a conversation, but the concept eludes him. Even with strangers we have to help direct the conversation so that others actually know what the heck he is talking about. Otherwise it is like he is talking in some secret code. Honestly, I don't think he notices that we don't listen to him. He monologues to himself, finishing a conversation even if no one is in the room. This makes the conversations seem even less important, because no one has to actually be around to hear them. I don't think I have ever heard him say that no one listens to him.
Are all Aspie kids like this? If they talk all the time, do you find yourself tuning them out, even if you don't mean to?
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Comments (17)
My brother with Asperger's is almost exactly like this. I think I have a much easier time talking to him though because we've been very close our entire lives and have a lot in common. We play video games together and have a lot of inside jokes... I always have something to talk about with him but it doesn't always mean it's easy.
He knows how to talk with me...but that's about it. No one else. He's always angry at my mom and doesn't control himself right and he's put off by my twin sister because quite frankly she's always annoyed with him...which hurts my heart.
And like you, I'm not always interested in what he's talking about. Even though I play a lot of the same games he does he wants to talk about them nonstop and so "down to the bone." that I zone out. And he has this thing where he always has to talk to me, because I listen and converse back...but he ends up following me over to the bathroom and waits outside the door, into the kitchen while I'm cooking and cleaning, and even into my bedroom when I'm trying to go to sleep.
I think it's because there is this profound trust he has with me. He won't talk to anyone and if he does he's a complete flop at it...but because of that trust, if I let him know one of my friends is cool to talk to...he usually does pretty ok. It might take a time or two though.
I'm aspie, I did NOT talk all the time growing up. I may have been deeper into the autism spectrum, don't have context since I'm older now, and back then there was no in between, you were either nonverbally autistic or not. I find it amusing NOW that people complain about autistics talking too much... =) Oddly, many people complain that my posts are too long... haha.
My son will sometimes say a line he heard or read somewhere and it's totally out of context. Often I have to ask him where he heard that so I can get an idea of how to respond to him.
Oh and it's not just with strangers, I have to redirect conversations with relatives, too.
@doesthisdefineme@xanga - You sound like a good mom. My mom never tried to do stuff like that with me. She just kept getting on me to pretend to be normal, sometimes with plenty of punishment involved, so I marvel to read of parents who seem more capable of reaching beyond that and try to figure their kids out. I have a very good memory of my childhood, so I bet your son will really appreciate some day (even if it takes till his 40's, like me) that you could do that.
@Murphy_Rants@xanga - would love to see this and more in a post for this site...
@bluejacky@xanga - looking forward to more posts on your site, I'm sure people want to hear from you.
Comment.
It can be, sometimes I need some verbal cues to try to decode what someone is asking me (I'm not real great at picking up non-verbals). Some don't even try conversing with me, for this reason, others quite enjoy conversing with me. I know what you're saying though, and it frustrates both me and the other person at times. I try to do my best, though.
I wont continue to associate with any label for whatever touretzish/vocaltickish/repetative diarea of the mouth,extreme introversion,sarcastic mood interuptions and obsessive thoughts I have worked to re-mix out of my character.I have done exactly what is described here and its important for family relations to know that this disordered thought/concept to word/disscurssive communication process is correctable to some extent and sometimes significantly.This paradox of both talking incessantly and feeling like a person who can't be understood no matter how hard I scream is the spark of fire that lights the trail for the high functioning autisti or asbergerz or whatever other names.The Diagnosis from a psychiatrist who is familliar with you is all that matters at all and then even obliquely.How can one stay living and thriving if they fix themselves in to a label provided by the same cause of the issue to begin with?Writing helps order thoughts while a beefy alternative to the mystery thought ordering medications is a most effective drug now discussed by psychiatric patiance accross the country.For OCD and associated symptoms(some capable of turning psychotic like obsessive worry turning to 'self mutilization'.A coourse of saboxone treatment with sincere and ernest therapy can pemanantly teach the patient new mental pathways based on response rather than reaction. thanks for sharing
Wow, this just further convinces me that my son and I are aspies...LOL
My brother's an Aspie and he kinda does this. And then we call him on it and say "I don't know what you're talking about" and he claims to have set it up with X information, when he never said any of it.
I'm guilty of the tuning out thing, though. -.- Not really on purpose, but after he's already asked me 5 times which Bleach sword I'd rather have I don't really want to answer anymore.
@Murphy_Rants@xanga - My brother is nearly identical. Sometimes I start to leave the room and I think maybe the conversation's done and he continues to follow me all the way to where I'm going. He and I are very close too. :) My mom gets upset though, because she thinks he likes me better than her. :(
I'm beginning to wonder if my 30-something brother in law might have Asperger's. I wonder how to know? He does this a lot, and gets more and more socially inept over time. I don't know if it is because he is still living with his parents well into his 30's or if he's living with his parents still and seen as socially inept because he has something going on... hmmmm.....
My nephew is an aspie and he too goes on "rants" about computers. It can be very tiring an sometimes you just have to tune it out. Admittedly this is hard because he will often keep getting closer and/or louder until you listen.
So long as it is a topic he is interested in he will often start the conversation.
This is a nice post.
I have verbal diarrhea but I don't think I have any of the said conditions. I just love talking.
But I have a brother who rarely talks and my mom thinks there might be something wrong with him since when he was little he liked playing with himself and barely played with other kids unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. And then he went to highschool away from our hometown and went to college away from home too so I guess my mom just misses the kid who used to fight for a spot near her with our other brother.
Sounds like growing up at my house.